Surviving
by AiLing
Summary: How are Meredith and her peers going to survive the aftermath of the traumatic incident? Post season 6 finale. Now edited with line breaks in between scenes. Please oh please do read and review! :D The end. Would love more reviews!
1. Chapter 1

Surviving

**I know that this is probably the 100****th**** ( or more) fanfic about the aftermath of the gripping, intense season 6 finale. All the other fanfics I've read have been wonderfully written. But I just can't refrain, I just have to write one for myself. :P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in Greys. Shonda does.**

I take a look at the pregnancy test in my hands. 'Pregnant' it read in bold, big letters, as if mocking me. Suddenly, the test which gave me so much hope for the future, the result which totally made my day, isn't significant any longer. I dump it into the rubbish bin, throwing away with me all the happiness I felt when I first saw the positive result. So much for hope. Today, I learnt the lesson that hopes and dreams can be dashed in an instant..

' Meredith, Derek is asking for you…' Cristina appears in the locker room.

I thank her silently by smiling back wearily at her. I don't know how to repay back my best friend. She saved my husbands life literally, with a gun pointed at her head. How many best friends actually risk their lives to save your husband?

I walk slowly down the darkened silent corridors of the hospital. The hospital which used to be bustling with activity, with nurses and doctors and medical assistants running about doing their daily activities, was now eerie and quiet, with no sign of any life or activity at all.

When I finally reach Derek's room in the ICU, I stand at the door, leaning on the doorframe for support. The sight before me made my head spin. There my dear husband was, lying so pale and so lifeless on the bed, with IV drips and monitoring machine all hooked up to him. A packet of blood is being transfused into him as well. He had lost a lot of blood and had gone into hypovolaemic shock, but after the initial resuscication measures which were carried out, he is now stabilized. I had never seen him in this state before, so vulnerable, so sick, it scares me. The dark and twisty Meredith would have run far away, and pretended that all this didn't happen, that all this is just a bad dream. But this new Meredith knows that she has to be strong, and be there for her husband, as he needs her support and strength in times like these.

I gather the courage to slowly walk across the room towards his bed. This is something which I am not familiar with….being a family member of a patient in the hospital. Of course, my mum and my dad both had been admitted in this hospital before, but this is something totally different. No amount of training in medical school, during internship or residency prepares you for this… having your loved one lying on the hospital bed, being at the mercy of other medical staff. Usually, I am a resident taking care of a patient, and trying to feel sympathy for their loved ones who stay by the bedside day and night. Now, the role is reversed, and I am the loved one, who is hoping and praying to God or to any power above, to save their loved one, to restore their loved one to health.

I gently take his right hand and hold it tightly in mine.

' Derek…..I'm just so glad that you're alive. You gave me such a scare in the OR room. Please don't do that to me ever again… please do not leave me, do you hear me? I can't live without you' I whisper to him, meaning every single word I say.

I think he can hear me, because he chose that very moment to stir and slowly open his blue eyes to look at me.

'Mer….' He croaked, his voice hoarse.

'Derek' I am so glad to see him awake.

' Meredith' he squeezes my hand which is still holding his tightly. I smile to myself, glad that he has not lost function of his right hand.

He struggles to speak again, but I shush him.

'Shh….it's ok…you don't need to talk Derek, you have to rest and conserve your energy to recover….'

He stops fighting to speak, but he doesn't let go of my hand.

' Derek, remember in our post it vows, we promised each other 'no running' and to 'always stand by each other no matter what?' 'Well, this is it….I am not running….I am not going anywhere, Derek' I say firmly.

He squeezes my hand in reply.

Suddenly, he has a coughing fit, which lasts for a whole minute…he is coughing out blood, which I know isn't a good sign.

I press the call button at the head of his bed, telling myself not to panic.

My best friend Cristina is in the room in an instant.

' What's wrong? Is he ok?' she asks, concern evident in her voice.

' He's coughing out blood…' I sigh…

' It's his lungs Mer….the bullet injures his lungs too, causing his lungs to rupture. His XRays showed that he has haemothorax and pericardial tamponade, which explains why he is having haemoptysis.' she explains to me sadly. 'We had inserted a chest tube into him to drain out the tension pneumothorax...'

'In English, Cristina….' I say. 'I am not in the mood to be a surgeon today….just speak to me in layman terms please….just like how you would speak to a family member of a patient….'

' He has bleeding in his lungs, and his heart is ruptured….' Cristina says simply.

Her brief and straightforward statement was followed by a tense moment of silence.

Suddenly I let out a sob. I can now feel the tears pooling in my eyes.

'Mer?' Cristina asks concerned.

I don't answer her. Instead, I let out another sob, and yet another, until I am sobbing uncontrollably, with tears rolling freely down my cheeks.

Without saying a word, Cristina pulls me close to her and hugs me tight. This is a big deal coming from her, as she is not the type of person who gives hugs.

' What did we do to deserve this Cristina? One moment we are happy, and about to start a family, and I was about to tell him the good news that we are supposed to be parents….And now we have lost our baby and he almost lost his life…' I sob. 'And I almost lost you too' 'What did we do to deserve this?'

' It's not our fault' she says still holding me tight. ' It's no one fault. Things happen for a reason. It's life, there is nothing we can do to prevent it. Now, all we can do is to wait, and hope…'

' And pray' I add silently.

* * *

Derek is now fast asleep again, being sedated with a high dose of morphine to relieve his pain. Cristina has recorded his vitals, and he is currently stable, although they are still closely monitoring him. Cristina has just left the room, not before reminding me to page her stat when Derek shows any alarm signs. Owen, according to her, is doing fine, and I had done a fine job with the stitches, she said.

I lock myself in the bathroom of his room. I turn on the shower and stand beneath it, letting the water run freely and clean me from whatever blood stains are left on my thigh.

I can see the blood seeping into the drain, just like menstrual blood, but I know that it is not. The cramping has reduced and the blood now gone, but the dull ache in my heart remains. The little miracle that Derek and I have created together is gone forever. I could cry again, but my feelings are numb right now.

* * *

Mr. Clark is pointing the gun straight at me again. This time, there was no Cristina to stop him from shooting me and telling him that I'm pregnant. This time, it is just me and him, and I am closing my eyes, waiting for the bullet to take my life.

Just then, I am startled awake by the ringing of my handphone. Derek stirs beside me, but he falls back into his sleep.

* * *

The caller ID reveals that it is my sister.

' Lexie?'

' Mer…where are you!' she sounds frantic.

' I'm in Derek's room…..taking care of him…'

' Derek is injured? Is he ok? Did the shooter get him?'

' He has been shot…but he is stable now…'I reply calmly..

' Oh God…Oh God…' came the frantic voice at the other end of the line.

' Lexie, calm down….' it's ok….'

' No, it's not ok….Alex has been shot….'

' What? Alex has been shot!'

' Yes…..he's stable now, Mark and I are taking care of him….'

I remain silent. Now my good friend is also injured.

' Mr. Clark he pointed a gun at me….' she says shakily. 'He almost shot me, Mer'

I decide against telling her that I also had a gun pointed at me, and that I had lost something precious to me. It would set her into a further panic.

' Shh….it's ok Lex, it's ok… Do you want to come over? I'm at Room 130 in the ICU. Mark can take care of Alex..,and I'll visit him later on…'

Moments later, both of us sisters are hugging each other tight and sobbing in each others arms, sobbing for all the dead and injured colleagues and friends,mourning for the innocent lives lost, and wondering if life in Seattle Grace Hospital will ever be the same again. Together, we make our way to Derek's bed and hold his hands. At least we still have each other, and although it will be a long journey of recovery ahead, we know that somehow we will survive. Somehow we will make it.

**So what do you think? Reviews and comments are very welcome! : ) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews so far! = ) I believe I have replied personally to them. And now since it's the one week break for me, here is….a brand new chapter!**

_**A few days later from Meredith's POV**_

It is in the middle of the night, and the whole room is silent except for the constant beeping of the screen monitoring Derek's vitals. And his even breathing through the ventilator can be heard through the silence of the night. It is during these lonely times at night that I begin thinking about what should have been our child. Our firstborn who would have been our pride and joy. Was it a boy or a girl? I wonder. Not that it matters now, but still…. Maybe it was a girl, and she is now looking at us from heaven. And just thinking about all this and what should have been, causes tears to roll down my eyes yet again. I only allow myself to weep when no one else, not even Derek is looking, because I have to be strong for everyone else.

' Mer? Mer are you ok?' the familiar voice that had become hoarse and croaky as the result of the nasogastric tube calls to me.

Derek is now looking at me, his ventilator mask removed from his face.

I force a smile and move my chair closer to him, wiping the tears quickly from my cheeks so that he can not see them.

' Derek, you're awake' I whisper, stroking his Dreamy hair ( which our child might have inherited) and planting a kiss on his forehead.

' Mer, you're crying' he croaks.

' No, I'm not'. I insist, even though I know that he knows I am lying.

I begin feeding him some milk via the nasogastric tube.

He suddenly chokes and splutters the milk all over the bed.

'Oh! Derek I'm so sorry! I….'

' No...it's ok….Mer, my throat is just too dry…..'

' I know there's something wrong' he continues….'you can tell me..'

How was I supposed to tell him when he was in such a vulnerable and weakened state?

' Nothing….I was just…thinking about the shooting and how many innocent lives that were lost' I feel tears stinging my eyes again just saying it.

' Come here Mer… shh…it's ok, everything is fine' his voice hoarse but so soothing. ' Didn't he shoot himself? He wouldn't disturb us any longer' I climb onto the bed beside him, and curl up to him, feeling the warmth of his body and thanking God yet again for not taking him away from me.

' Yes, everything is fine' I say it more to convince myself. ' You are fine, Alex is fine, Owen is fine… Reed and Percy are now reunited in heaven. Everything is fine.'

He says nothing, but just strokes my hair in response.

And I can't bear it any longer. It's breaking me and eating me up inside and I just have to let it out.

' And our baby is fine too. She's looking down at us from heaven.'

His hand movements stop abruptly and I can feel his blue eyes staring at me.

' What?' he croaked. 'Our baby?'

' Yes, our baby. I barely knew her for a few hours, before she was taken away to heaven.'

_Why am I so sure that it was a girl? Maybe it's a mother's instinct? And why do I feel those damn tears rolling down my cheeks again? And damnit Derek, please say something before I go bonkers!_

' You were…. ' he was at a loss of words.

' Yes, I just found out when I took a positive pregnancy test that day. Then the shooting happened and I was stressed and I lost our baby…I….I lost our baby Derek…' I ramble.

_Oh great, now he's going to hate me. I just lost our baby, the child he had always wanted._

I don't realize that I am now crying wholeheartedly until Derek pulls me to his chest in a tight bearhug.

' Mer…I'm so sorry…I wish you didn't have to go through all that…'

' No, I'm sorry for losing the baby! The stress of seeing you being shot and thinking that you almost died took its toll on me- and the baby…'

' You saw me get shot?'

' Yes, at the catwalk…..and in the OR I really thought that you were dead….'

I can see the pain reflected in his blue eyes.

' Look I don't want to talk about it anymore ok?'

' Ok…. I love you so much Mer' he whispers into my ear.

At that moment, that's all I need to hear.

' I love you too' I sigh, closing my eyes and feeling my body finally relax after a few days

* * *

I don't know how long I was asleep for, but when I open my eyes, I can hear Derek talking softly to someone.

' Call Addison…' I thought I heard him say.

' You serious?' Mark's voice asked, incredulous.

' Yes, she is the best gynaecologist here. My wife needs to get checked. Look, I just want to make sure she's ok…'

I can hear Mark sighing. ' Well ok then'

_Oh great, now Mark knows about the miscarriage too. And is he really going to call Addison?_

I want to just jump out of the bed and grab Mark's handphone from him. I'm so not having my husbands ex-wife examining me. Not ever.

But instead, my exhausted body caves in to sleep yet again.

* * *

' Mer...Meredith!' Cristina's voice sounds urgent as she calls me from the other end of the hospital corridor.

I stop on my tracks and she catches up with me, and stops to catch her breath.

' You look like you've just ran a marathon…is there anything?' I joke. Then my eyes widen. ' Is it Derek? Is he ok?'

' Yeah…yeah….he's fine and stable….it's just that…..'

'What?'

' You need to get yourself checked Mer..'

' Me?…well I'm feeling totally fine! It's Derek who needs all the care he can get right now…'

' Mer, seriously, have you looked at yourself in the mirror even once for the past few days? You look like you haven't slept since forever. You look pale, you look like you're going to faint at any moment!'

I remain silent. It's true….for the past few days, I had been so consumed in taking care of Derek that I had neglected myself. I feel like crap and my whole body's exhausted and I can't remember the last time I've slept soundly (before last night) or ate. But Derek needs my care and that's all that matters right now, that he's alive and he needs me.

' Anyways…..ermmm…..Addison Montgomery is here…..and she's looking for you…..'

' Oh my God' I bury my face in my hands.

Cristina puts her hand on my shoulder. ' Go…get yourself checked….' She says simply. 'I'm telling you this as your person. And if you still refuse, I'm going to kick your ass all the way to the examination room. Now go!'

I smile at her gratefully and make my way to the Gynaecological examination room.

* * *

' Are you still feeling the cramps?' the red-haired doctor asks as she examines my abdomen. I shake my head. No, no more cramps, not since a few days ago. Now, what is left is just emptiness, a vacuum feeling.

' Any bleeding?'

' No, just normal menstrual blood now.'

To tell the truth, I would much rather be in Derek's room, or anywhere else in the hospital, even wandering alone in the dark deserted corridors, than here in the Gynaecology exam room. And it's not only because I would rather not be reminded of the baby that I had lost. It's also because the red-haired doctor who is currently examining me happens to be- yes, you heard it right- my husband's ex-wife. So yes, here I am, being stuck in this awkward situation.

Well, I certainly wasn't the one who called her.

She performs the mandatory ultrasound scan and reviews my blood tests, before returning to the side of the examination bed.

' It's ermm…a complete miscarriage, so looks like we wouldn't have to perform a D&C afterall.' She says softly. 'I'm so sorry Meredith, I know this must be hard on you.'

When I don't reply her, she adds….' If it's any consolation, you two still can have kids in the future. You can even try again after a few months..'

How do I tell her that no future kid would ever replace the one that we've lost?

' You know, I have always dreamt of having his children. With the dark curly hair.' She says.

' But then, I've slowly come to realize and accept that it's you who he chose, it's you who he wants to have children with.'

I lift my eyes to meet hers.

' You make him so happy Meredith. And you have a whole life and whole future ahead with him. Just remember that. You still have each other..' she smiles at me.

And that's why I cannot hate my husband's ex-wife.

* * *

After the checkup, I'm on my way back to Derek's room when I have a sudden impulse to make a detour. After the elevator brings me to the 3rd floor, instead of turning right, I turn left.

The room I am standing outside now looks similar to Derek's room. Only the numbers engraved on the door are different.

I knock softly. Three times. The door is finally opened by a young blonde woman who looks as tired and disheveled as I am.

My sister Lexie gives me a big hug as soon as she sees me. Which I'm just starting to get used to, but I guess I like it.

' How's he?' I ask matter-of-factly as I make my way towards Alex's bed.

' He's fine, says he is now stable and she's pleased with his progress. He has a fever now though.' she frowns as she says the word fever.

' How's Derek?' she asks.

' He's doing well, his progress is stable too.' I answer, trying to force a smile.

She nods sadly as she focuses her attention back to Alex. ' He doesn't call for Izzie anymore. He is more like himself now, although I still feel that he misses her, even if he doesn't say it.'

I sigh. This is complicated and I don't want to get involved in my sister's affairs. However, as a big sister, I have to give some sisterly advice.

' Lexie, he still loves Izzie and you know it. And you know too that Mark still loves you. That's all I can say.'

' But he needs to get better first'

' Hey listen, why don't you go to Derek's room and help me take care of him for me, while I stay here with Alex' I offer.

' Ok, seems like a deal.' She smiles, the smile which I haven't seen for quite some time.

' Hey Alex it's me' I say as I settle down on his bedside

* * *

When Lexie has yet to return after a few hours, I decide to go back to Derek's room to check if anything's wrong. And I gasp at the sight that greeted me when I enter the room. There Lexie is, chatting happily away with what I assume is Derek's youngest sister, Amelia . Derek's mother, Carolyn is by his side, holding her son's hands.

They all look at me. I can feel myself blushing already. Their stares slowly turn into smiles as Carolyn gestures for me to take a seat beside her.

I may have lost a child, but I still have a husband and best friend and a sister. And a family.

**I hope you like this chapter! Reviews and comments are very very welcome = )**

**I've decided to follow a timeline, which means the next chapter would be set a week after the finale, the following chapter a month later, etc.**


	3. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all those who still read my story, and to those who put it on favourite story or story alert. I appreciate it! : )**

**A warning for this chapter…it might be a bit more medical based in certain parts, well, I'm a medical student after all :P**

**A few weeks later….**

' Here is your drink' I say as I make my way to Derek's bed, holding a cup of hot chocolate which I had bought from the hospital cafeteria. I settle down on the chair beside him and hold the small feeding spoon in front of him.

' Mer….I can drink it myself' says Derek, reaching out his hands, attempting to take the cup.

' No Derek…your hands are still not strong enough for you to hold the cup yourself. The last time Teddy checked your muscle power, you still have yet to reach a 5. So until then, I'm feeding you….'

Suddenly without warning, Derek lashes out his right hand and inadvertly knocks over the cup of drink. The cup lands on my lap, its contents spill on my lap. Chocolate flows down my scrub pants onto the floor.

There is a stunned silence in the room, before Derek begins to apologize. ' I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Mer…. I didn't mean to…..'

' It's ok…' I say quickly, getting up to clean my scrub pants. Looks like I'll need to change to a new pair. ' Don't worry about it, I'll get this mess sorted out'

I sigh to myself as I am changing in the bathroom. For the past few weeks, Derek's condition has been gradually improving, which I really have to thank God for. It is nothing short of a miracle, that he- after being shot on the chest, and having had an open heart surgery, he could recover as swiftly as he did. This, I think, is proof that God does indeed exist and He does indeed listen to our prayers. His family has been here for a couple of weeks, visiting him daily, before they went back to their hometown. Surprisingly, they were rather good company, and cheered me up during what was supposed to be the loneliest hours.

However, this is a secret -as he recovers, he becomes harder to take care of, as he now insists on doing some things by himself, although he still hasn't regained enough strength to do so. Now I understand what the family members of patients have to go through.

He still has yet to regain full function of his hands and legs, although he can now sit up on bed with some effort. He has to use a walking aid to walk, and he still cannot hold things stable with his hands. His bowel functions are gradually recovering though, and he was weaned of his urinary catheter and his feeding tube and his ventilator a couple of weeks ago. He has been started on his daily physiotherapy sessions, whereby a physiotherapist would come in and encourage him to do some hand and leg exercises. Earlier on, he had chest physiotherapy too to improve his lung function, and he graduated from that.

When I've changed my clothes and the floor was cleaned, I settle back down on the chair, as he reaches out his hand. I hold it in mine, and we just sit there in silence.

* * *

Cristina and Teddy now enter the room.

' Hey' Cristina says to me, as Teddy smiles at me. 'How is he?'

' Being a McAss' I half joke as Cristina snickers knowingly.

' So what is the latest report?' Teddy suddenly asks formally.

Cristina now puts on her no-nonsense look.

' Temperature is now 37- no more fever, blood pressure 120/75, pulse 70, respiratory rate 12.' Latest full blood count- no more indications of anaemia or leucocytosis. Latest chest XRay- lungs are clear except for slight fibrosis on the lower left zone..'

' Ok, good' Teddy smiles and she begins examining Derek.

' The heart is clear, no murmurs, there's still crepitations though when I auscultated the lungs…., but that is to be expected due to his recent bout of pneumonia…'

' We gave him antibiotics for that….'

' Yes, it is working, it just takes more time….'

Teddy begins assessing Derek's hands and legs.

' Upper limb movements are still slightly restricted, muscle power is 3/5 on the left arm and 4/5 on the right arm….lower limb movements still restricted, muscle power 3/5 on both legs…..all reflexes present…all peripheral pulses present' she reports as Cristina records the findings down in Derek's file.

Finally, Teddy looks directly at Derek.

' Dr. Sheperd, are you ready to go home?' she asks suddenly.

The question takes both me and Derek by surprise and we exchange glances.

' You mean today?'

' Yes, today'

' Hell yeah! I'm more than ready!' Derek answers enthusiastically maybe almost too enthusiastically that he starts having a coughing bout.

I laugh at his excitement. I know he is just dying to get the hell out of this hospital room!

' You still have a long way to go though…' says Teddy. ' You still have to go for daily physiotherapy sessions…and you need a walking aid….a cane or walking frame or a wheelchair…'.

Teddy then begins instructing me on the long list of things I have to do to ensure that Derek is well taken care of when he goes back home.

I find myself nodding numbly….knowing that I have several long months ahead of me.

* * *

Derek is scheduled for the evening discharge, meaning that I still have some time before that.

I decide to follow Cristina to Alex's room.

Alex is also doing much better now…although he is still worse off compared to Derek. He still can barely move his hands and legs. But his condition is now stable and he can only get better from here.

He is wide awake as we enter the room.

' Where's Lexie?' I ask as if it's a reflex question.

' Gone somewhere, I don't know. She didn't tell me' Alex shrugs.

' So what's the latest news?' he asks, struggling to sit up on his bed. When he fails to do so, he sighs in defeat and plops back down on his pillow.

' Derek's getting discharged today.' Cristina announces.

' What? That's not fair…'

' Well, you continue taking your antibiotics and your daily physio sessions, you'll be out of here too in no time' I try to convince him.

' I want to be discharged too' he pouts, and suddenly he looks like a schoolboy.

' Here, take this and you'll be discharged in no time…' Cristina holds out a packet of cereal. ' Want me to make it for you now?'

' No, Lexie just gave me some just now. Later…'

' So…what are you planning to do when you get discharged?' I ask casually, sitting on the side of his bed.

' Umm…turn your house upside down?' he joked with a weak smile.

' Hah, as if I would allow you to do that…' I giggle.

' Oh no, I kindof don't want him to get better. Because if he does, he's going to turn back into Evil Spawn' Cristina mocked jokingly.

' Yeah right, you know you love the Evil Spawn'. Alex joked back and we all laugh. The three of us are still surviving, three of Bailey's original five interns still hanging on. At first glance, you wouldn't have known what we've been through all these years.

* * *

I now have the sudden urge to see Dr Wyatt. Now that Derek is going back home and he needs round the clock care while I still have to work, I need to sort some things out. Maybe I'll hire a nanny to take care of him while I'm working. But first, I've to take care of my mental health, before I myself break down. I have to stay strong for him.

Just as I reach the Psychiatry clinic, someone very familiar comes out from the consultation room. She takes one look at me, and acknowledges me with a quick smile before quickly walking away, as if ashamed to be found in here.

' So how are you feeling today, Meredith? It has been a long time since I last saw you…'

Dr Wyatt's voice is strangely comforting.

' Yes, I'm whole and healed now' I smile. 'But now, I might need some help again...you know, after the whole ermm….incident'. I just can't bring myself to say the word 'shooting'.

' Yeah, I understand. Many of your colleagues have already been here to see me. Your sister was here just now.'

' Yes, I know. We were all traumatized by the incident'

' Can you recall for me what exactly happened that day?'

I sigh and let my mind relax.

' Well, it was supposed to be one of the greatest days of my life. Which turned out to be one of the worst days of my life..'

' What do you mean?'

' That morning, I took a pregnancy test and found out that I was pregnant. I was surprisingly so glad at the news, that I told my best friend right away. But I didn't tell Derek, although now I wish I did… because I lost the baby anyways….'

' Oh…I'm so sorry to hear that' she says sincerely.

' Yeah, it was devastating….' I try to control tears from rolling down my eyes.

' On the way to tell Cristina, I passed by the shooter, although we didn't recognize each other then.'

' Then, I remember Cristina and I walking along the deserted hospital corridors, not suspected anything amiss, until Derek met us and told us to hide in the supply room, because a shooter was running loose'

' You didn't suspect anything until then?'

'No…so that gave me the chills…'

' Ok, go on'

' Not long later, as I was having a bout of nausea, Cristina spotted Mr Clark, and told me that he was looking for Derek. It took a while for that to sink in. When it did, my adrenaline got pumping and I literally pushed Cristina out of the way. We got there just in time to see him pointing the gun at Derek.'

' How did you feel when you saw that?'

' I think my heart skipped several beats.'

'Derek was negotiating with him, and he was about to put his gun down, when that April girl came dashing in. That was when shot Derek. He shot Derek right in front of me! I wanted to run straight there to Derek, but Cristina stopped me.'

' So that April girl…'

' Oh…don't mention her name, I'm still mad at her. Although I think I can forgive her, because she was frightened too. And she lost her best friend.'

' Anyways, I remember running to Derek after disappeared, and begging him not to die on me.'

' Anything else?'

' Yes, Cristina then had to operate on Derek, as she was the only surgeon available at that moment. She asked me to wait at the scrub room with April. Owen came in not long later. But I suspected something was amiss. I peered through the scrub room window and saw pointing the gun this time at Cristina! At my best friend! So before I could stop myself, I walked into the OR, and identified myself to him. I would rather myself being shot and killed then my best friend and my husband….'

' Then he….'

' Yes, he pointed the gun at me and was about to shoot me. But Cristina stopped him, saying that I was pregnant. So he lowered the gun. That was when Owen jumped in, and he shot Owen instead.'

I now lean back on the sofa, exhausted.

' And that's not it. Jackson had this brilliant idea to unplug Derek temporarily and that was when I totally lost it. I really thought that Derek was dead, I really thought that I had lost him forever..' It gives me the chills just to think back about it.

' Well, looks like you've been through a lot that day, Meredith. So how are you feeling now? Do you have nightmares thinking about it?'

' Yes, initially the nightmares occurred every night, but they have been getting less frequent recently.'

' Are you scared?'

' Yes, have now developed this phobia of walking along the dark hospital corridors, I'm just afraid that he might just appear in front of me with a gun at any moment, although I know that he is now dead…'

' Well, Meredith, as you know, your recurrent nightmares and fear are the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of the encounter. Usually, I prescribe SSRIs such as fluvox and some benzodiazepines too for these cases. I'm going to give you some, hopefully you'll feel better' she smiles at me.

' Well, I feel better now, just talking about it' I smile back sincerely.

* * *

It is now late at night, and I'm feeling uber exhausted, after having brought Derek home and having settled him in to the house environment. He still needed help to go to the bathroom, to climb the stairs, to shower, to dress himself. Taking care of him is now becoming a daunting task, not that I'm complaining, as he is my husband. But I'm thinking now that I'll have to hire a nanny.

I suddenly know what to do. I pick up the house phone and dial a number, praying that the person I am calling is not asleep yet.

' Hello?' the warm and soothing voice of Carolyn Sheperd fills the other end of the line.

' Mrs. Sheperd….I mean mom…. it's Meredith. I'm so sorry for disturbing you so late at night…'

' Meredith! Is everything ok over there? Is Derek alright? Are you alright?'

' Yes, everything is fine. He was just being discharged today…'

' Oh, that's good!'

I am still wondering how to go about telling her that I need her help, when she suddenly speaks again.

' Do you need my help? You want me to go over to help out with taking care of him?'

' Yes, is it possible mom? If it's too troublesome for you than it's ok…..'

' No, of course not! He's my son, of course I'm willing to take care of him….You need some time to rest too, dear'

I let out a huge sigh of relief. A heavy burden has been lifted off my chest.

' Mom, you're the best'

* * *

After having made the phone call, I am about to go to bed, when I hear a loud crash coming from the kitchen.

I jump in fright, thinking for a moment that it might be Mr Clark breaking into our house.

Grabbing Derek's baseball bat, I slowly make my way into the kitchen, and gasp at the sight that greets me.

Lexie is sitting on the floor of the kitchen, holding her left wrist which seems to be bleeding.

'Lexie! What on earth are you doing?' I ask her after I had retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom.

' I…I…just can't take it anymore Meredith…that's why I went to see today. It's my fault that went on a shooting rampage, Mer. It's my fault that Derek got shot, that Alex and Owen got shot. It's my fault that Percy and Reed died. It's all my fault! Because I was the one who unplugged 's life support.. I was the one who caused all this! '

I sit there on the kitchen floor next to her, rubbing her shoulders as she continues sobbing in my arms. My poor sister is now so consumed in her own guilt and blaming herself for all that had happened. No matter how many times I try to tell her that it's not her fault, she still blames herself anyways. Only time can heal the wounds that remain deep within us.

**I hope you like this chapter : ) If you do, please do let me know. Comments and reviews are very very welcome! Your reviews motivate me to continue this story as each chapter takes me at least several hours to write, so please do review. : ) **


	4. Chapter 5

**Thanks Chiara for your review...sorry I couldn't reply personally as you didn't use an account :p**

**Do read and review yea...your reviews really help me continue with the story!**

**Anyways...here is the next chapter if you're still interested ;)**

**A few months later...**

A few months has passed since the day of the shooting. Life is back to normal...well, almost.

Derek has just been back to work for about a month or so after resting and recovering at home for 3 whole months. Which is great, considering that the entire time he was homebound, I had to listen to his daily ranting and grumbling about how his life is so useless now and how he just can't wait to be strong enough to do the things he normally does. And sometimes, his temper would take a turn for the worse, especially when he is frustrated about not being able to do something. It's those times when he would lash out at me for no apparent reason which test my patience and my strength, but I know that he is just venting out his frustration. He can go to the bathroom himself now, and he can now move around the house himself albeit some difficulty. But there is definitely some improvement there and I'm glad. And I have Derek's mother, Carolyn to thank for, as she has been helping out a lot in the daily household chores, and also taking care of Derek when I'm working. She is now back in her own place though, after having stayed here for almost 3 months.

Derek was so excited when Teddy gave him the clear to return to work, that he immediately started planning for that day as if it was one of the most important days in his life. He got me to buy him a brand new formal shirt, brand new trousers, brand new scrubs, a brand new planner. He still isn't cleared to drive by himself though, so he follows me to work.

That night though, the very first night back from work, he had a surprise for me. He had been quiet the entire dinner as I told him all about my busy day at work- with a little girl needing a bone marrow transplant, about the little boy admitted with a bout of headaches which turned out to be a brain tumour.

Finally he said ' I quit'.

' Huh?' I look at him in surprise.

' I quit my job as the Chief. I just can't take it anymore Mer...' he said in a serious tone.

' But...but I thought you liked being the Chief! Didn't you enjoy all the power the position gave you?'

' No...I don't. Being Chief is stressful Mer. The entire surgical department is under your care...and if anything goes wrong like 's case, you take the whole blame. It's a huge responsibility, which I don't think I can carry any longer in this condition.'

' Oh...' I say, a bit unsure of how to respond to this.

' I gave the position back to ' he smiles at me. ' So now I'm free, free to be the best neurosurgeon that I was'

' My husband is so cocky' I grin back at him.'

The Chinese takeaway food which we were halfway eating was left untouched on the table, as he carries me to the bedroom for an entire night of dirty sex. Oh, I haven't mentioned yet- his usually huge sexual appetite is back!

* * *

Now, four months after the shooting, like I said earlier, life is almost back to normal in Seattle Grace Hospital. The dead have been buried, tears of grief have been wept for them and they will be remembered always. The injured have been treated and are on the slow and painful road to recovery. Owen's wound has healed beautifully, and don't tell anyone but I'm proud of the work I've done. Alex is also recovering well, having been tranferred out of the ICU unit 2 months ago, and been discharged 1 month ago. He is now resting in his room in my house as well. As for my sister Lexie, she is doing fine after daily psychotherapy sessions with Dr Wyatt (sometimes I accompany her there as well) and with me. And the best thing is, Mark is now taking really good care of her, although she has yet to accept the fact that he still loves her.

But life goes on. New staff have been hired to replace the deceased. Patients are now coming in and out of the hospital again, after the hospital being quiet and deserted for a period of time. The interns, residents and attendings who are fit enough to work are now busy back at work again. And Richard Webber is the Chief of Surgery again. However, although no one talks about it openly, fear is still imminent in the eyes of the Seattle Grace surgeons as they go about their daily tasks. It's as if we are still expecting or another similar patient to suddenly appear in front of us and start pointing a gun at us. The shock responses you get when you tap someones shoulder lightly is proof that not all is healed yet. And the long list of hospital staff who are seeing Dr Wyatt for daily consultations is yet another proof that the scars will remain for a long time.

* * *

As for me, I'm currently doing fine, trying to immerse myself in my work and taking care of my husband, so that I can fill the dull ache which I still feel deep inside of me.

I'm holding on as well as I can, except for the fact that for the past few days, I've been feeling rather sick. How do I describe it? It's that eerily familiar feeling of feeling nauseated whenever I get out of bed in the morning, causing me to rush to the bathroom.

Now I am hunched over the toilet bowl again emptying my stomach contents...when suddenly Derek comes in and pats me gently on the back.

' Mer, are you ok?' he asks, a worried tone imminent in his voice.

' Yes, I guess. It must been all the stress for the past few weeks (of taking care of you and Alex while working, I didn't add), and eating out most of the time when your mom isn't around. I should really learn to cook.' I smile sheepishly at him.

' Mer, you know I love you even if you can't cook' he laughs and kisses me on the cheek. ' You sure you're fit enough to work? I can tell that you are sick, and you can rest at home for the day. Lexie can give me a ride to work.'

I deliberate over the offer to call in sick to work, when another wave of nausea strikes me.

* * *

Derek is now in the hospital to scrub in for his first solo surgery since he returned to work- a removal of a Berry aneurysm in a teenage girl. I wish I can scrub in with him!

But now, I have more pressing matters that I need to take care of.

I'm back from a short trip to the neighbourhood supermarket to buy some groceries, after the nausea bouts have stopped.

And now I'm holding something in my hands which I've also purchased there. 5 minutes, I count. My heart is pounding fast in my chest. This wouldn't be the first time that I've taken this test, but the feeling of suspense and excitement is still the same as the first time.

Five minutes later, I turn over the test, and there staring at me were the familiar 8 letters which I've secretly being hoping to see again. And I smile, somehow knowing that this time it would be different, and there would be a happy ending.

After washing my hands, I pick up the phone to speeddial a number. This person will always be the first to know about this sort of news.

' I'm going to be a godmother again?' Cristina sounds overexcited at the other end of the phone.

'Shh...yes...but don't tell anyone yet. I'm going to announce it at dinner tonight. You've invited to come over.'

* * *

I now sit down on the couch of the living room, the positive pregnancy test wrapped up in some wrapping paper, waiting for Derek to come home with Lexie. The house is quiet, Alex is sleeping upstairs in his room. I have made an extra effort to actually cook dinner today for all of us, roasted chicken with brocolli, because this is a special occasion.

Soon, the front door opens and my husband and sister walk in. I walk out to give both of them a big hug.

' Wow, Meredith, you must have really missed us!' my sister laughs as she hugs me back.

Derek presses a kiss on my forehead. 'Mer, what is that you're holding in your hands?'

' It's a gift.' I smile slyly. 'For you.'

' A gift for me? Wow. What special occasion is this?' he laughs. ' Can I open it now? Or later?'

' Now, because there will be some celebration after this' I giggle nervously.

He unfolds the wrapping to reveal the pregnancy test with the big bold word 'pregnant' on it.

He looks at me, as the wide McDreamy smile spreads across his face. Before I know it, I find myself caught in my husbands arms in a tight embrace as he cups my face and says it to me. ' I love you so much Mer. Thank you for the best gift ever.'

Alex (who has just woken up from his sleep) and Lexie watch us smiling. We are now whole and healed, and we all have a whole life ahead of us.

The doorbell rings and Cristina, Owen and Mark join us for the celebratory feast. We all raise a toast to the future and beyond.

**I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! And yes, your reviews and comments are very precious to me, so please please do review. I do not like begging for reviews :P **

**Next and final chapter will be a few years down the road...**


	5. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews! ****I really appreciate them.**

**A few years later….**

It has been 5 years since the shooting. 5 long years. The shooting has now faded to become just part of a bad memory. A bad dream. It is now so distant and so far at the back of our minds. Except that it's still there, in our subconscious minds. Jackson and April make it a point to visit Reed and Percy's graves every now and then and sometimes we follow them to the grave. The both of them are now accepted into our core group, Jackson is cool, and April is surprisingly turning out to be quite a good listener and friend. Some people like Lexie still go for a consult with Dr Wyatt once in a while. Derek and Alex have fully recovered from their injuries, they are both back at work and kicking asses at their jobs. Alex is currently under Dr Arizona Robbins's guidance for his neonatal Paediatrics fellowship, Cristina is undertaking her fellowship with Dr Teddy Altman as expected, and of course I am undertaking my fellowship with my own husband in neurosurgery. Life is Seattle Grace is good.

Oh, and regarding our love lives, Cristina and Owen have just gotten married more than a year ago. Cristina was adamant that they don't have kids, although I know that being a godmother, she has softened up a lot to children. I said was, because right now they are actually parents to an adorable six month old girl called Abby, who I can see is already showing a lot of her mothers characteristics. I think she might even start walking and talking already anytime soon. Lexie and Mark have gotten married two years ago, after they finally decided to get back with each other. I'm glad for them, as I have always known that Mark was the right one for my sister and she for him. They have a 3 and a half year old son together too named Dylan, he is about the same age as my daughter. Richard Webber is still smug and comfortable in his position as Chief of Surgery. No matter how many times he has said that he would step down, so far he never did. Callie and Arizona have adopted a little girl from China, who they called Jenna, after a visit to one of the orphanages there where the one child policy and the preference for boys over there left many abandoned little girls who broke their heart. And as for Alex, he actually got back together with Izzie, and they have an adorable 2 year old boy (after a successful IVF cycle) who they name George after our beloved George OMalley.

As for me, life could never be better. What with a job that I love, working alongside a dotting husband, and also taking care of a beautiful daughter and expecting a son very soon. Our daughter Caryn was born exactly a year after the shooting incident. She is named after her aunt Lexie, whose middle name is Caroline, and her grandma whose name is Carolyn. The day she was born, the hospital was holding a memorial service for all the people who died in the shooting incident. After the service, there was a gloomy atmosphere in the whole hospital, until news spread around that a little future neurosurgeon was being born. Then almost the entire hospital staff came to see the baby and they all agreed that she brought hope and joy to a gloomy day. This little girl is now growing up to be more and more like me everyday, not only in terms of looks but also attitude. Although she has some of Derek's traits in her too, such as the bright blue eyes, the cocky smirk and occasional cheekiness. And she brings joy to the Seattle Grace family everyday. She loves her aunt Lexie , uncle Alex and uncle Mark and aunt Callie and Arizona so much and they all dote on her too. And of course, she adores her godmother aunt Cristina too. But most of all, she is her parents pride and joy. Derek calls her his little princess, and it is obvious that she is daddy's girl. Although I have my special mother and daughter moments with her too, like when I comb and tie her golden wavy hair, or when I dress her up in a Halloween princess costume. Once, when I was having one of those quality bonding time with her, I told her about her big sister which she never got to meet, and she looked at me with her blue eyes wide open and said that she had met her sister before. That chilled me to my bones and we never talked about it since then.

* * *

Right now though, I am standing in a bright field full of tulips and roses. How did I get here- I don't know. I look around me and spot many children playing around, laughing and giggling happily. Suddenly a little girl looking about four or five walks casually over to me until she is standing right in front of me. She has long dark hair with beautiful curls. And those blue eyes. She looks so much like Derek, except for her nose.

' Mommy?' she calls out softly, as if unsure of how I would respond. ' What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here!'

For a moment, I don't know how to respond. This girl certainly isn't Caryn. Then realization hit me hard. Was that our daughter, the daughter that never got to be born in the world, standing right in front of me?

' I've come here to visit you, honey' I say, trying to sound much calmer than I actually am.

' My name is Katie' she giggles, the giggle that sounds eerily similar to mine.

I suddenly recall thinking about baby names that day, while I was walking down the corridor past Mr Clark on the way to tell Cristina. I only managed to think about girl names, and that was the first name that came to mind.

' I'm so sorry Katie' I manage to blurt out.

' No, I love it here' she flashes her McDreamy smile at me. 'I'm busy taking care of all of you- you, Daddy, Caryn and our little brother'

'Katie' I wanted to reach out and hug her, but just in an instant, she's gone.

* * *

I open my eyes to Derek's soft snores on the other side of the bed. And a sudden painful contraction rips through my abdomen.

Several hours later, Derek and I are looking down at our newborn son, named Christopher after his grandfather. He looks so much like Derek, especially the thick dark hair. Derek has the McDreamy smile on his face- I know that he is overjoyed that he now has his son, although he had claimed that another little princess to spoil would be really great too. There is a knock at the door, and Carolyn walks in together Caryn. Derek lifts Caryn up onto the bed so that she could get to meet her little brother. This is quality Sheperd family time, at least before the rest of the Seattle Grace family come in to visit.

And I know that somewhere up above, Katie is looking down at us and smiling. We have a guardian angel taking care of us, and we are now safe and I have my happy ending.

**This is the end of my story! I really hope that you like it! Please do read and review, I really like to know what you think! And if you have the time, do check out the previous chapters too... :D Oh, and if you would like to read the aftermath of the shooting from another character's POV, please do let me know as well!**

**p.s. reviews really mean a lot to me, so do be kind enough to leave your review :)**


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